Before you start on your book adventure in which you will read many many books and become a better human being you should know about Bad Books.

Bad Books are out there and they are terrible. Some are so terrible that they should be collected by the UN, packed in to rockets and fired into the sun so that no-one ever has to read them ever again.

It's very important if you read to be able to spot bad books and to warn other people about them so they don't read them and go blind or mental. Bad Books can totally make this happen.

Here are some things about bad books the people at SPK have read so that you don't have to.

Good news!

Stephanie Meyer is writ­ing another book about VAMPIRES. Ima­gine that!

(Note: ima­gin­ing a Stephanie Meyer books in any way guar­an­tees that you’ve thought about it more than the author ever has.)

I’m sure, as a sane per­son, that you’re think­ing ‘Why? Weren’t four enough?’. Well unfor­tu­nately friends, four is never enough — espe­cially for someone who ran out of plot at around page twenty-five but kept on going for the remain­ing one thou­sand, six hun­dred and sev­enty five pages any­way. There can never be enough for that kind of person.

And it’s almost entirely cer­tain that there can never be enough of any­thing for the force known as the Teen­age Fan Mar­ket. As long as they can scream them­selves into pants wet­ting uncon­scious­ness over it or fatu­ously self-identify with it then they’re all for it. Just you try stop­ping them.

So more Twi­light it is. This time in the form of a free to down­load novella titled The Short Second Life of Bree Tan­ner.

You’re think­ing ‘Who?’, right?

Con­tinue read­ing: Don’t Worry — Twi­light Is Still Terrible

The worst book I ever read was Ritual by Gra­ham Mas­ter­ton. I was told to read it by a boy­friend when I was 17 and was there­fore impres­sion­able, so that when he said it was the best book ever I ignored the tacky pic­ture on the front of it and thought “why not?”.

I was also prob­ably wor­ried that if i didn’t read it he wouldn’t like me any­more and being a dumb teen­ager didn’t real­ise that any­one who doesn’t like you just because you don’t like a book is prob­ably a twat.

So I sat down to read Ritual.

To this day I sin­cerely wish I hadn’t.

There are many things wrong it. Many, many things which have stuck with me these last 8 years and which do not bare repeat­ing even for the pur­poses of this review. I wouldn’t say it had per­man­ently scarred me because being hon­est, it wasn’t really inter­est­ing enough to do that, but it def­in­itely left an impression.

Con­tinue read­ing: The Worst Book I Ever Read

So just before we left for Lon­don we poin­ted you towards books — a new fea­ture we’re try­ing to get off the ground. So far it’s pretty sparse with only the links and pic­tures sec­tion set up but hope­fully that will begin to change with the intro­duc­tion of bad books our one stop shop for inform­a­tion and reviews of the books you should try to avoid.

Today it’s The Twi­light Series — a lit­er­ary saga so ter­rible it’s inspired hor­rors like this or this and can only be explained ration­ally like this.

Long, insipid and writ­ten by a lun­atic the Twi­light Saga beck­ons you for­ward into it’s nest made of spit and torn up books. So get real comfy, settle down and pre­pare to be amazed.

(Major props go to Alex at Rowdy Media for the links and brain dam­age they caused us.)

Con­tinue read­ing: Bad Books: Twi­light Is Terrible